Some of you may have noticed my recent lack of any important updates to the site. While I highly doubt 99% of you come here for anything but one or two articles that were linked off of a 3rd website, and another .5% visit the forums, I thought it’d be a neat idea to actually write an article that consists of mostly words, and very few, if any (I’ll see) pictures.

While it may seem pretty obvious to me why I haven’t bothered correctly updating for the past month and a half or so, I sense some of you might need the reason(s) specifically identified: I’m a boring guy; I had no motivation; I’m too easily distracted.

While I’m beginning to suspect that that last reason is the result of a previously unidentified case of mild ADD, it is far from proven and I will fight the accusations to

Anyways, on to my article.

I thought the three or four of you who actually come here to read my babblings might find it interesting to see the harrowing, mind-numbing journey I must embark on each and every time I have to write out one of eHacked.com’s precious articles. I can already sense half of you moving your mouse to the [X] at the top-right of your screen, and I can’t really say I blame you. I mean, who wants to read about what a college freshmore has to do in order to type out a badly-worded, badly-thought out, and uninteresting article?

Obviously, not you.

…

OK guys, now that that pesky 99.5% have already moved on to better things, let’s get on to what’s important: Me!

Sitting Down

This is definitely the easiest part about my job. I mean, it’s not like I’m an extremely busy, active man. I really only have four things I do all day:

1. Wake up at 6:30 in the morning, staying in bed until 7:45 until I jump up, and with lightning-quick movements, shower and drive like a maniac to school, to begin my day at 8:00a.m. until noon.

2. Go see my girlfriend

3. Go to work at 4:45 until 11p.m.

4. Sit down at my computer until 1 or 2 in the a.m.

While my day is arguably interesting, I do have plenty of downtime where all I seem to do is sit in a chair and think about sitting down and writing something out for my website, something so good that I’d be invited to the Comedy Central Awards Show as that year’s host.

Regrettably, this eagerness to let the words flow out through my fingertips and on to the keyboard sort of disappears once I do sit down at my home computer. Any little thing that is at least passively amusing will capture my attention, enrapture me to the point where I won’t realize it’s 2 in the morning and I only have 4 more hours of sleep until it’s too late.

Choosing The Topic

OK, I’ve finally decided to quit messing around and just sit down and write about something. The ‘what’ isn’t all that difficult. I have a 21" monitor whose outer border is completely covered in sticky notes with hastily scribbled ideas that I get at the oddest places and about the oddest things.

I can be standing at the college cafeteria, waiting in line, and I’m staring at this young lady’s behind, and I begin to wonder, "That’s a nice ass. Isn’t there a song that describes a woman’s well shaped posterior as being in the vague shape of a well formed apple? Hmm… I could really go for some nice apple pie right about now. Every time I think about apple pie I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to stick myself into it, a la American Pie. Do you suppose it would burn? What would the optimal temperature be? It’d have to be somewhere between burn-your-nuts-off-hot, and make-you-a-proud-1"er-cold. It’d have to have the perfect balance between warmth, humidity, and tightness. Wonder if I could make it into an article?"

Whala! I pull out my lucky sticky-notes pad and scribble down this seemingly brilliant idea and stuff it into my pocket, not once pausing to consider if I’d ever actually strip down and fuck a goddamned apple pie (I prefer cherry).

Anyways, I could come up with a brand new idea, or just close my eyes and rip off a sticky from my monitor.

*Time to go to sleep. Will continue tomorrow.*

OK, it’s been nearly 24 hours since I began writing this stupid article, and I am now just looking at it again, and I am realizing I have no fucking idea what I was going on about.

Anyways…

Adding Pretty Pictures

Having a large funny/cool/weird picture collection available online, I have a relatively easy time finding pictures that can go with almost any sort of article you can think of. So if I think an article’s just too boring to be posted without any sort of visual eye candy, I’ll find something for it.

I’ll usually add pictures to keep the easily entertained, well, entertained. You’ll notice that most of my articles center around pictures, where I simply add some imaginative commentary. It’s just that easy.

Taking A Break

OK, so I’ve written a paragraph or two, and found a few related pictures. Now, it’s time for a well deserved break. There are really only two possibilities to this break thing:

One, I take an extremely short, five minute break, taking advantage of the resting time to come up with some more far-fetched ideas for the article.

Or, two, I stumble across a crazily addictive website that I get lost in for 6 hours, and then, lo and behold, it’s time to go to sleep and I don’t work on the article for 2 weeks. This is what usually ends up happening, unfortunately.

Rushing Through and Finishing the Article

After my break, I’ll be getting pretty bored and tired of the stupid article, so I’ll usually end it with a few quick observations and a few lame jokes.

Then, I sit back and surf the internet until KinkyLilBlackDress, the resident moderator of the eHacked forums, pressures me into updating again.

Just to point out, 9/10 of my articles are a complete flop, and I usually end up wishing I hadn’t bothered writing it out. I’m beginning to get that feeling with this one.